Trust

I recently attended a yoga workshop called "Attuning to Autumn." Fall has always been my favorite season, and it has always felt like a more natural place to begin the new year as opposed to our January first turning of the calendar. The start of a new school year. The cool air. The end of the harvest season. It all points to the beginning of a new cycle–out of growth and towards rest and renewal.

On Friday, I will be turning 38, so in a way, this is the start of the new year for me. It's a good time to check in with myself and reflect on where I have been and where I hope to go. At this time last year, I was in the midst of my 200 hour teacher training program, and this year, I have not only finished that program and become a part time teacher, but I'm also continuing to grow through being a part of a 300 hour teacher training program. This training program has stretched and challenged my understanding of yoga and of myself in ways that will continue turning over in my mind like pebbles in a stream.

Over the weekend, I participated in live zoom sessions as part of my training, and with guidance from teachers and mentors, we worked on uncovering a false belief that we hold about ourselves. This may not sound like a lot of work, but it actually is. Facing continual verbal poking and prodding meant to help me break out of all the ways that I try to protect myself was–to put it mildly–a lot.

But, I arrived at a place where I uncovered this false belief, and let me tell you, it's actually a relief. It's something I have known and not known at the same time. It's that little nagging voice that keeps a small part of me held back. This false belief is that I don't trust myself. It feels like a big exhale to finally speak that (or write it) out into the world.

So, as I think about year 38, I hope that there's more travel and more friendship and more time in nature. I hope that there's more time to rest in silence. I hope there's more joy, but most of all, I hope to find trust in myself.