Reflections on Tapas and the end of YTT

This weekend is the final training weekend of my yoga teacher training program. This weekend will consist of an exam, final practicums, and a graduation ceremony. I feel honored to be part of this program, proud of my own growth, and excited to move forward as I take on more teaching opportunities.

My best friend recently pointed out to me that I have completed this program and sought out opportunities during an uncertain time, and it honestly hadn't initially occurred to me, but once she pointed it out, it was a light bulb moment. When I began the program, it seemed COVID was on the down swing and we could all be mask free. However, things changed two months later, and we had to return to masks as well as a shift in the group. One of our teachers left the program, and we gained another. There have been COVID related disruptions to my yoga service project. In short, it really has been a more challenging time than I gave myself credit for going through.

But, what if this is a good thing. As Robert Frost wrote, "the only way out is through." And, in yoga philosophy, that’s called Tapas. Tapas means fire, but it doesn't mean a fire that burns and destroys. It means a fire that warms and refines. Going through these challenges can refine us just as going through a challenging flow can refine us. To stand in the heat and let it change you, requires that you summon deep inner strength and stillness. This deep inner strength and stillness can then be summoned again and again during the next challenge and then the next. Anyone who has had an unmedicated childbirth knows that to withstand each contraction it is vital to relax into them. If you decide to squirm and scream and fight against the contractions, it's unlikely you will make it through. The only way to get through the fire unburned is to go through.

As I look forward to completing this training and celebrating with my fellow students and family, I know that the challenges are not behind me. There will be more. Teaching will be a challenge. Helping my children continue to grow will be a challenge. Continuing to balance my commitment to my family with my drive to teach and write will be a challenge. Will I walk through the fire with ease and grace? Will I let myself be refined? Will I seek growth instead of comfort? I hope so.

Much love to my teachers, fellow students, and supportive family and friends. See you on the mat soon.